Anger comes from hurt.
I repeat, anger comes from hurt.
Now back to your regular scheduled programming.
via One liners — If Only Mommy
All, of sudden we’re like Sherlock Holmes, hunting down clues to see who’s right. And it doesn’t help that they each want to make themselves look so great, while totally bashing the other. I mean, I just want some damn clarity.
Ok, I get it. They don’t like each other. And they shouldn’t. Like they both do stupid stuff, but like, come on. I don’t really want to hear one thing one day and then something else another.
They try to keep like a million things a secret from us. Grown-up stuff or whatever, but just because they share the same friends doesn’t mean they can say someone did something, when the other says they didn’t. You can’t just stick Jim in the middle of this. He has been a family friend for so long. Now we’re made to believe he’s taking sides!
This is so frustrating. You know what would be easier? Just add us to the group chat! We’re basically like adults now. You can tell us what you’re so mad about and not just have the divorce lawyer slip us some info while we are at school. It’s so embarrassing. Our friend Janice saw the lawyer come in and give us the memo dad left for Jim about how mom is being a total bitch and well it was just dumb and distracted me for like the whole day. And it’s all everyone is talking about now. You’re embarrassing me! And now Dad doesn’t want to tell us what mom said to Jim and we’re left so far outta of the loop!
Look, this custody battle has taken over a year. Just figure it out. We get it, you guys don’t like each other, but why do we have to be in the middle of this? I just want to go to school, hang out with my friends, and then relax at the house. I don’t need 600 tweets and texts from my friends trying to keep up with how dysfunctional my family is. That’s all I got to say. And tell Dad to stop hanging out with people who hit their girlfriends. It’s gross.
California businessman Steven Zinnel, age 50, thought he could get away with cheating his wife, his two teenage children, and the bankruptcy court, but he was wrong….boy was he wrong! Zinnel and his wife, of Gold River, separated in 1999. By 2001 their uncoupling got even more ugly when he told his wife she would […]
10. We know what it’s like to go through custody battles, and we don’t want to seal our kids to that fate by marrying the wrong person.
So you’re going through a divorce and one of you really is the victim – or so you think. You were cheated on. You were abused. I get it. You were wronged in some way. And you have children with this person … We all know that we’re not supposed to tell our kids the […]
https://waltersingletons.wordpress.com/Well, today I feel stuck. Just absolutely stuck. The pain of missing my children is always there to some degree, but today more than anything I feel completely FRUSTRATED. Helpless. I know where my…
Source: 9/20/16 – Being Stuck
Once upon a time there lived a family. A kind man married A lovely woman and they had two children.
Sadly not every happy family can make it forever and so, this family began to fall apart when their two children were in their formidable teenage years.
In the early years both children enjoyed a close and loving relationship with both of their parents. However, when the bitterness of divorce began spreading its ugly roots within their once very happy home, the teenage children began to show distain for their father. It was inexplicable the amount of anger and hate these two loving children now held out for their father. On every issue they seemed to solely side with their mother, even the tiniest thing like what to watch on TV or where to go for dinner. If these kids believed that their mother would not like the places or choices, then neither did these teenage children. They would often refuse to spend time with their father, eat dinner with their father, or even watch television with their once cherished dad.
Prior to The failure of the marriage the kids had a close, loving relationship with both of their parents. Now their father was a loathsome creature, not worthy of consideration, care or love.
Once the divorce was final, the children completely cut their father out of their lives. They also renounced all ties with their paternal family. As well as daddy’s friends from around town.
Heartbroken, he could not understand how children he loved so deeply could turn their back on him in such a way?! How could they forget him on Father’s Day?! His birthday?! pretty much every day? His friends said, “give them time, they will come around you will see” … But they never did, until one day when his worst fear was realized.
Yes, he had just learned he had cancer, his time on earth was short.
He now reeled in the pain of regret. He was suddenly overwhelmed with regretful sadness of not BEING THERE because of their attitude towards him. Suddenly He regretted as he realized he had a right to attend every birthday, that he had not insisted upon attending even the smallest event even if it meant watching quietly from the back of the room, without drawing undue attention. He regretted missing things like graduation, their first play, their wedding day, and the birth of his grandchildren. He missed it all because he was “Waiting for them to come around”.
The pain of his suffering didn’t bode well in his battle against the big “C”. He suffered now not only from cancer but from depression as well.
A friend of the family took it upon himself to call his children to tell them it was time.
Now as adults, they rallied around him and he was in awe of them. His love for his children left him in tears every night when they left the hospital. He hung on every word they spoke, memorized every story that they told, each memory recalled, or thing they joked about; all the time he had missed “Waiting for Them to Come Around” was now laid before him by two strangers he now knew less about than he knew about his attending nurse.
Before his diagnosis he had been seeing a woman and really enjoyed her company. He asked her to marry him just two days before those terrible test results came back, she had agreed, but no date was set due to his diagnosis and the sudden the appearance of his formerly lost children. They seem to permeate every aspect of his now cut short life. They took over and routed her out. He was unable or unwilling to to limit this sudden attention of his adult children in this the final stage of his life. So every day he laid back and memorized everything about his long lost children. All the while forsaking the love of his present. Why should he care about the future? He reasoned for he had no future. It was this sudden, unexpected, and long dreamed about arrival in his present that he was so stunned by that really nothing else mattered to him. Forsaking all others, he simply watched his children as he rapidly faded and died.
Because of state laws the actual people in charge of the funeral where his children. Even though they knew nothing of his desires for internment. they had not asked him if he wanted to be buried or cremated, and once again due to his amazement of their sudden appearance in his life, he never mentioned how he wanted his funeral handled. Even if he had told them how he wanted his body handled or how he wanted his estate handled, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have cared. He was after all nothing more than a stranger whom they shared genetic code with . They really didn’t remember him from their childhood. He had not attended any important events and didn’t even know their spouses so they thought nothing of having him cremated and throwing his ashes in the middle of a lake. How were they to know that he could not even swim?
The next day, the children cleaned out their father’s home . Swiftly, carelessly removing items that were quite obviously items belonging to his fiancé. They placed everything with the state seller who could get rid of all of his stuff within a week and for a nominal fee. Next they hired a real estate agent sold his property and split the money three ways mom and two kids.
No one thought about his parents, their paternal family. Sadly they hadn’t seen or cared to hear from their father’s parents, their own grandparents, in years. The grandparents did not get to attend the funeral, did not get to say goodbye to their son, and in fact they never again saw their grandchildren.
Sadly, they learned of their sons death by reading an obituary in the newspaper mailed by a friend some 10 days after the funeral.
They weren’t really that close to him but they definitely loved him. They always sent their grandchildren birthday, Christmas, and other occasional cards with money inside. They did this despite never receiving A card, a return reply, “Thank You” call or correspondence. Their son wrote to them often but since his divorce had remained aloof.
One friend said: “Who disowns their own grandmother?”
Alienated children, that’s who.
They came back into their father’s life just long enough to benefit from his death; conveniently showing up so that hospital staff and social workers would defer to his kids instead of a truly involved, mother, father, sister, brother, fiancé or other relative for his final wishes. Oh, They came around all right, just not in the way he thought they would.
I’m sure, in the mind of an alienated child, this is acceptable and maybe even normal behavior. After all they were taught daddy is a lowlife and he ruined our family so now they’re going to get what they feel they deserve.
That concept is One of the most frightening and abhorrent things about Parental Alienation victims behaviors: it is mystifying and wrong in every aspect. No matter if you’re the alienator, the alienated or an adult, untreated, child of acrimonious divorce, you do not comprehend A true family unit or fully understand how families should work, Sadly many of you do you not know at all what real love is like.
It isn’t just the children who need help it’s the alienator the ex-spouse, or even someone else involved in the situation such as an in-law or a stepparent if they participate in alienating behavior they need help. The estranged ex-spouse certainly needs help, and don’t ever forget the children because they are our future and if they don’t know how to love this world is in serious trouble.
the children think their behavior is natural and ordinary. Is it typical for a person to disown half of their family? When you’ve been raised by an alienating parent, unfortunately, the answer is yes Source: Waiting until illness descends upon a Targeted Parent
A general view of The Ministry of Justice building Joanna Morris / Thursday 3 December 2015 / News Published Thursday 3 December 2015 / News THE family courts are damaging children and vulnerable families by failing to enforce their own orders, says a Darlington woman. The woman, who did not want to be named, and […]
Scientists believe that recovered memories – including recovered memories of childhood trauma – are not always accurate. When people remember childhood trauma and later say their memory was wrong, there is no way to know which memory was accurate – the one that claims the trauma happened or the one that claims it did not.
A great deal of laboratory research involving normal people in everyday situations demonstrates that memory is not perfect. Evidence shows that memory can be influenced by other people and situations; that people can make up stories to fill in memory gaps, and that people can be persuaded to believe they heard, saw or experienced events that did not really happen. Studies also reveal that people who have inaccurate memories can strongly believe they are true.
People forget names, dates, faces and even entire events all the time. But is it possible to forget terrible experiences such as being raped? Or beaten? The answer is yes – under certain circumstances. For more than a hundred years, doctors, scientists and other observers have reported the connection between trauma and forgetting. But only in the past 10 years have scientific studies demonstrated a connection between childhood trauma and amnesia.
Most scientists agree that memories from infancy and early childhood – under the age of two or three – are unlikely to be remembered. Research shows that many adults who remember being sexually abused as children experienced a period when they did not remember the abuse. Scientists also have studied child victims at the time of a documented traumatic event, such as sexual abuse, and then measured how often the victims forget these events as they become adults. They discovered that some people do forget the traumatic experiences they had in childhood, even though it was established fact that the traumatic events occurred.
At the time of a traumatic event, the mind makes many associations with the feelings, sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch connected with the trauma. Later, similar sensations may trigger a memory of the event. While some people first remember past traumatic events during therapy, most people begin having traumatic memories out side therapy.
A variety of experiences can trigger the recall. Reading stories about other people’s trauma, watching television programs that depict traumatic events similar to the viewer’s past ex perience, experiencing a disturbing event in the present, or sitting down with family and reminiscing about a terrible shared episode – for some people, these kinds of experiences can open the floodgates of frightful and horrible memories.
I am an alienator. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behavior patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalizing them. I know your behavior patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.
I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did not notice that.
I am an alienator, at times in the past you felt a chill wind blow through you when my moods changed as I raged and then sweet talked you to smooth the ripples in your growing awareness. My mind is distorted but the projection of shadows causes you to believe it is yours which has failed you. Eventually you came to believe that it was you and not I who was crazy. You shivered as I turned down the gas light.
When you appeal to the outside world for assistance I will turn my most charming face to the sun and open my arms wide and beseech them to believe that I only want the best for my children. I will widen my eyes and up turn my palms and say ‘what can I do when they don’t want to see you’ and suck into my airspace all those who attempt to bring change to the lives of the weapons I know I can use.
My children are assets, collateral, extensions of plans that I make to wreak my revenge upon people who challenge my views or attempt to remove the control that I have in my life.
My children are satellites orbiting sunshine coming only from me – you could never compete with the warmth that I wind around each of their hearts so that only my love is enough; making yours surplus, not needed, discarded like clothes that you bought and I won’t let them wear.
I am all that they need.
You are not.
When our love ended my rage recruited our children to a campaign of
revenge that joins us together against you.
In my mind your betrayal awakened the traumas of people long dead and ignited the fuse that lead to the bomb that blew up our lives. Now, the souls of our children are hostage to wrongs which come howling from hell and you are helpless to hold back the tide which will sweep you and they to the death that is living with losing your children whilst they are still breathing. Your loss not mine which you and not I will have to survive.
Sometimes you mirror me, two perfect projections that weave webs of destruction that sever our children in two, one side light, one side dark, you there in the shadows.
But mostly it is because I cannot see my behaviours, I am blind to the sight of myself in the mirror. The only reflection I need is the love of my children to feed me and give me a sense of my self which I lost even before I was born.
I am the alienator, annihilator, terminator. My aim is to end, by fair means or foul, your place in the hearts and the lives of your children.
I am easily spotted by those who know me but invisible to those who do not. You will spend your time, your energy and money telling them I am behind this whilst I smile and continue to shred the trust our children once held in you. I am an alienator even when I do not know it and the failure to see the shadows I cast in the projections I throw onto you, is the fault of a system so blinded by bias it is frozen like the minds of our children, the children being harmed right under the noses of those who should know how to help them but sadly, do not.
In the plain sight of you and of them, the lives of the children you love are stolen, erased and extinguished.
And your anguish and pain are the gifts that I treasure.
And your suffering compensates for the things I perceive you to have done.
And whilst chaos reigns and the system colludes with my delusions, the power I seek remains mine.
Along with the children.
Whose eyes are wide open but able to see nothing at all.