Parental Alienation IS in DSM-5

“In a 2016 scientific paper, DSM authors Dr. Narrow and Dr. Wamboldt say that parental alienation may be diagnosed as Child Affected by Parental Alienation Distress (V61.29) if one is talking about the child. Parental alienation may be diagnosed as Child Psychological Abuse (V995.51) if one is talking about a parent alienating their child. This confirms that parental alienation is indeed in DSM-5.”

The Form of Child Abuse Known as Parental Alienation

Eric Clapton on Healing From Trauma

When Eric Clapton’s son died in a tragic and horrible accident at age four, Eric turned to writing words and music for healing. He feels that this saved him—going to that place of raw and tender emotion and writing about his loss, in what he calls “a purging experience.”

He has survived separation from his mother at an early age, drug and alcohol addiction, the loss of his son, and managed to come through it all and remained sane and whole. How?
“I think it’s the process of letting it go, acknowledging that I’m not the master. It ain’t about what I want, it’s about what I can give.”

“The greatest thing that I have is being awake for my life, and being able to participate, and having no more dark secrets inside which damage me.”

Eric’s healing is a beautiful expression of heartfulness, as mindfulness, compassion, and responsibility:

Being mindful—awake, aware, present in one’s life, actively participating in its moment to moment unfolding, rather than being mindless, forgetful, numbing oneself with drugs, alcohol, and empty pleasures.
Accepting one’s vulnerability, letting go, surrendering, accepting that one can never always master life and be in control of one’s fate.
Going into the darkness, embracing the traumas, wounds, regrets, mistakes, shortcomings, that make one fallible and imperfectly human, as these are what make you who you are.
Gently touching these tender places inside our hearts, witnessing, and helping the hurts to find a way out through art, music, and storytelling.
Acknowledging that ultimately life is not about what you want, but listening to what life wants from you, and heeding the calling.
Finding a sense of purpose in your creation, and what life deals you, and giving what you can in gratitude to all that you have received.

PTSD may Mimic Other Mental Health Issues… PTSD can WORSEN In Times of Stress. True Story

The Custody Battle V Sanity

I didn’t see/have my son, Drew, for two Halloweens in a row….  Although I have regular access to my son and our relationship is tight, that wasn’t always the case.  I was given the task of buying costume materials and making his costume by hand, but not ‘allowed’ to see him over Halloween, which is not my holiday.  It’s still a trigger for me, and from what I have learned about C-PTSD, these triggers are something I have to learn to live with.  The hyper vigilance, feeling unsafe… all of it…. it isn’t something that goes away at all… I can honestly say I am doing much better now that I was 60 days ago.  About 4 or 5 months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, it was horrifying and embarrassing.  It also explained so much of my behavior that had never made sense to me.  Holidays without my son are triggering, but knowing this, I am able to make plans to distract myself over the holidays or any special day/event in which the little guy in my life isn’t with me.  How do I survive them? I let go of the every toxic thought in my mind. It’s easier said than done.  I have had to learn to dial my stress factor down before I reach my anxiety threshold.  As I have mentioned before, I got very sick just over a year ago….  I was worn out…  I had nothing left in me….  I was so worried about the son I never had access to, that I landed in the ER and stayed for a while. My iron, potassium etc were depleted.  Transfusions etc were necessary for an extended hospital stay.

 

I was so worried when baby daddy began making trouble for me and my 3 month old.  A disgusting excuse for a human being he was, and still is.  My son had a speech delay.  I forced through a court order I wrote for weekly speech therapy, that’s how I parented in those days, by pushing my orders through the court system till they tired of it.  With my handy fee waiver, I found I could get the court’s attention by costing them an arm and a leg.  Don’t knock the method, it works, I’m living proof and so is Drew.  I was constantly so worried that he was hurting and couldn’t express it.  I almost worried myself to death with toxic thoughts.  I imagined the worst… A life full of all kinds of abuse at the hands of a man who didn’t think twice about abusing me in several ways, repeatedly.  It was killing me.  My son was subjected to maternal deprivation and attempts at parental alienation. I wrote a court order for co-parenting therapy and despite his sickening attempts to pussy out of it with a fake CPO, the court no longer caters to him.  Title 9 pays out only once moms, never fear.  I got my co-parenting therapy orders upheld, and have been in co-parenting therapy for a couple of months now.  My son’s interactions with me changed significantly.  I bring my son’s behaviors to the attention of the counselor who exposes every email baby daddy sends her in our sessions.  We have a no secrets policy.  Everyone knows everything.  This was not obtained easily.  The sessions are annoying and I’d rather be anywhere else, but this is what is best for Drew, and for me, that is all that matters.

Toxic thoughts are caused by extreme stress.  Stress comes at you in the form of predetermined custody evaluations, judgements and thoughts of your child feeling abandoned or alone.  Without communication with your children, a parent often feels guilty for smiling and resents things and people that cause them to smile, as if being happy without your child is a crime.  It isn’t.  In fact, it will be the only thing to get you through it. If you’re case is anything like mine (and I’ll bet you a million bucks it is), the non custodial parent gets a report that describes the life of a rockstar.  Sex, drugs and rock and roll.  I was accused of dating someone weird while I hadn’t dated up to that point since my son was born.  I was accused of everything under the sun, why?  I had zero affection or feelings ever for this man.  I was about to leave the country for work, he decided he couldn’t stand me being with anyone else or being happy.  So he took the son he had blackmailed me to abort.  It’s punishment, he once told the court, for the way she treats me.  She doesn’t deserve to see her son.  Yes, baby daddy is a total loser and no, he hasn’t had a single date since I walked out the door.  I have no had quite a few, and even a relationship.  Despite my custody trauma, I have a life.  Creating that other life is the only thing that saved me.  The ability to let go a little has given me much in return: my sanity.  Toxic thoughts are ANY thoughts that rob you of positive feelings, thoughts that leave you feeling negative.  In order to win your battle, you need to survive it first, don’t you? This isn’t an essay on how to be happy, it’s about why you NEED to be happy to survive.  Like Mario Brothers (yeah, I’m THAT old), it takes a lot time, determination and perseverance to save the princess.  You need friends, pets, games and laughs to get to the last level…. and even when you get to the final level (court trial) you may need a few more tries before completing your mission.

 

Repression or suppression of toxic thoughts is how we temporarily deal with the emotions that are generated by anger, loss, sadness or trauma.  This gives your mind a chance to catch up with loss or trauma by experiencing a temporary amnesia.  However, the toxic emotions that are repressed don’t go away.  You can bury your emotions, but you need to know you are burying something that remains alive, and that is a horrible prospect.  It’s not surprising that your mind perceives suppressed emotions as fear.  That fear remains unless you deal with it. You can consciously decide to deny or reject an emotion that is uncomfortable, but once you have done so, it goes into your non-conscious mind in a process called automatization: you first do it consciously and then train yourself to continue until it becomes an automatic reaction.  This is not the way your brain deal best with toxic emotions.  Repressing them destabilizes your brain’s natural chemistry and disrupts the multiplicity of feedback loops that usually expels toxic waste.  In fact, unprocessed emotions impede that flow of they naturally generate, often referred to as the ‘molecules of emotion’.  When stress prevent molecules of emotion from flowing freely, the automatic processes (digestion, breathing, immunity and blood flow) that are regulated by the flow of peptide will collapse into a few simple feedback loops.  This causes the suppressed toxic emotion to become an emotional stronghold, the magic trees of the mind, that changes cellular memory within the cells of the body.  It won’t allow you to function well on any level, physical, mental or spiritual.

So how do you keep these toxic thoughts at bay?  DILUTE THEM.  If you’re like me, and chances are you are, your life revolves around your child.  And when your child isn’t with you?  It becomes about politics and policy, media and communication or like myself and a few others I know, it becomes about the laws governing our family courts and getting yourself an entirely new career. Who were you before you became a parent?  What personal hobbies, interests and career goals did you have?  Do you have a social support system?  Not an emotional one, but a sociaone? This is going to be your most valuable asset in the war for your sanity.  You need reality checks, confidence and loyalty; friends are the perfect people to give than to you.  Friendships are give and take, as females, we know that our job is to listen and agree when needed.  If he or she pours their heart out for an hour, you know you get that same hour in return.  and unlike therapy, your friends will tell you what you need to hear to get moving in the direction you need to head in.  In the last week, I have gone out 4 times.  Dinner and a comedy show on 2 different evenings.  Dinner with a friend on Halloween and a wine tasting and tour a few days ago.  I knew Halloween would be difficult, I anticipated this and planned accordingly.  Having these friends to be weepy with made me comfortable, and that lead me to hours of laughter during days that would have been spent feeling sad, miserable and angry.  Thanksgiving is coming up.  I don’t know who will have Drew for that holiday, but I have a small trip to San Diego coming up the week before, so if I have to wait till Christmas, I think I’ll survive.  It may be smoke, mirrors and window dressing, but I’ll survive.  I have to, you have to, we all have to in order to keep going and changing the status quo, I first have to be happy to be alive, that wasn’t always the case.

 

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The Nature of an Abusive Spouse/Narcissists

A snake asked a man walking up a steep mountain to carry him to the top.

The man said he couldn’t because the snake would bite him.

The snake promised to be good.

The man carried the snake to the top upon their arrival the snake immediately bit the man.

The man said you promised to be good.

The snake said you knew my nature all along and for some reason you expected me to not act in my nature, just because I promised.  All things will act in their true nature unless it benefits them to hide their true nature. I lived up to my true nature when you were no longer of use to me…

At that the man, who was a survivor and tired of all the poison in this world, flung the snake off the mountain where he was crushed to death by the fall. The man then sought out help for the poisoned bite.

After a time the man made it to a first aid station where he recieved help from people who cared for other mountain climbers.  Since they were brave enough to live in the mountains in order to help others the man would live and after some time would recover.

After his recovery he decided to always carry a snake bite kit with him in order to help anyone he may meet harmed by a snake.

I took an old proverb and added a happy ending.  It is what I hope we alienated family members can start doing as we move through life.  How many times have you overheard someone speaking ill of a non-custodial spouse?  How many times have you remained silent, even if you knew the other party wasn’t the “BAD PERSON” s/he was being made to seem like?  Vow to carry a snake bite kit with you, and to have the courage to toss the snakes off their mountains.             Leah Talley


 

When A Song Breaks Your Heart and Time Makes You LOVE IT

 

I am the “Momma” in this song.

The first time I heard it I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. It hurt…

Since then, due a lot to counseling and input from friends who’s parents divorced, I have come to view this song not as an attempt to hurt anyone, but instead I can simply appreciate the song for what it is; beautiful like the person who wrote it.

Momma a3579273866_2 From “Not A Hipster”

License copyright 2013 wanda june wesolowski all rights reserved

 

“Baby girl, you’d better call your momma tonight
Baby girl, tell your momma that you’re doing alright”

I don’t know where to go from here, I
Haven’t seen momma in a year
Why can’t she see I don’t wanna
Hear it, not tonight?

“Baby girl, your momma bought you something today.”
“Baby girl, don’t you have something that you wanna say?”

I don’t know if I can thank you for
Trying to make up after losing that War
Momma, buying love won’t fix us, not tonight

And I know you’re trying so hard
All the gifts & all the birthday cards
Momma, you just need to give me time to think
To grow
To blink
And know

I think I’d better call my momma tonight….

Released 01 August 2013
Tags
Tags: Parental Alienation syndrome, Divorce, child abuse, PAS, folk, independent, songwriter, ukulele, madison, alabama, Huntsville
License copyright 2013 wanda june wesolowski all rights reserved

USED with Permission

BOOK RECOMENDATION

Being Stuck by Walter Singleton

https://waltersingletons.wordpress.com/Well, today I feel stuck. Just absolutely stuck. The pain of missing my children is always there to some degree, but today more than anything I feel completely FRUSTRATED. Helpless. I know where my…

Source: 9/20/16 – Being Stuck

Parental Alienation is TRAUMA

Losing A Parent is Childhood Trauma

The popular press has reported many stories about adults who suddenly remember having been abused as children. Some media reports have emphasized the unusual circumstances or content of such recovered memories while other reports have declared that the “recovery” of memories of abuse is false for a variety of reasons. Little in the press, however, has dealt with the science relating to memories of childhood trauma. 

The International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies

is working on life affecting issues arising from trauma exposure of many origins.  According to their research memories can not only be false, but they can be planted by others!

Q: Are Recovered Memories Always Accurate?

Scientists believe that recovered memories – including recovered memories of childhood trauma – are not always accurate. When people remember childhood trauma and later say their memory was wrong, there is no way to know which memory was accurate – the one that claims the trauma happened or the one that claims it did not.

Q: How Might False Memories Develop?

A great deal of laboratory research involving normal people in everyday situations demonstrates that memory is not perfect. Evidence shows that memory can be influenced by other people and situations; that people can make up stories to fill in memory gaps, and that people can be persuaded to believe they heard, saw or experienced events that did not really happen. Studies also reveal that people who have inaccurate memories can strongly believe they are true.

Sad man in space

Alone in Space

 

Q: Is it Possible to Forget Childhood Trauma?

People forget names, dates, faces and even entire events all the time. But is it possible to forget terrible experiences such as being raped? Or beaten? The answer is yes – under certain circumstances. For more than a hundred years, doctors, scientists and other observers have reported the connection between trauma and forgetting. But only in the past 10 years have scientific studies demonstrated a connection between childhood trauma and amnesia.

Most scientists agree that memories from infancy and early childhood – under the age of two or three – are unlikely to be remembered. Research shows that many adults who remember being sexually abused as children experienced a period when they did not remember the abuse. Scientists also have studied child victims at the time of a documented traumatic event, such as sexual abuse, and then measured how often the victims forget these events as they become adults. They discovered that some people do forget the traumatic experiences they had in childhood, even though it was established fact that the traumatic events occurred.

Q: What Makes People Remember a Traumatic Event after Such a Long Delay?

At the time of a traumatic event, the mind makes many associations with the feelings, sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch connected with the trauma. Later, similar sensations may trigger a memory of the event. While some people first remember past traumatic events during therapy, most people begin having traumatic memories out side therapy.

A variety of experiences can trigger the recall. Reading stories about other people’s trauma, watching television programs that depict traumatic events similar to the viewer’s past ex perience, experiencing a disturbing event in the present, or sitting down with family and reminiscing about a terrible shared episode – for some people, these kinds of experiences can open the floodgates of frightful and horrible memories.

My Nightmare… April 16, 2016

Dear God 1


April 16, 2016

Believing it to be the day of catastrophe in America a Mother, estranged from her 4 beloved children sent a group text to all four. “My wonderful children” she wrote. “I want you to know that I love you all no matter what, and I always will, no matter what. With deep love, Mommy”.
Within a minute 2 of her children replied expressing their love and forgiveness of past events, while the other two remained silent after reading her declaration of love for them, their hearts so filled with anger and their minds so filled with hate as a direct result of parental alienation caused in part by their father, grandmother and other family members, that they knew their silence would wound their estranged mother again. And so, willfully, and stubbornly they remained silent not telling their mother that they had any feelings for her at all. Their last thoughts were of anger toward her as the explosion rocked North America Killing most of it’s inhabitants almost instantly.
Time doesn’t exist in Heaven or Hell. The time it took to sort out the casualties of this terrible mass death may have been a blink of an eye or taken years, who knows.
As it turned out the forgiveness given to their mother by the first two children meant they would spend eternity in heaven. The hate of silence the other two showed their mother left them in hell.

I guess that left the mother …


I’m divorced since 10/2002. I was with my former for 16 years. In 2 years my time with him will be as long as my absence from him; by now I think that I should be able to function somewhat normally on a day to day basis, but that simply isn’t the case. .

People say, Give them time, they will figure it out, they will come around… that has not been MY EXPERIENCE.

How much longer will I feel this pain? My mother says that I need to move on, for my future and sanity; logically this is correct but I have told you all I can no more forget any of my children than I could cut off my own arm.

I know the guy in the movie ‘128 Hours’ did cut off his own upper arm in order to survive but the rocks he was stuck amongst didn’t call him from time to time, or talk trash about him to people who then repeated the terrible things, still being said about you 14 years later, to you because they felt ‘YOU SHOULD KNOW’…   Most recently I was told my ex told my grandaughter’s daddy that my current husband and I were having an affair when I was married to my ex… Lies, I never met my current hubby till 2/17/08. How do you fight lies like this?

I’m dying a little every day. I need help and I don’t know where to turn. I am so worried about all of my Children’s life as adults. I’m so depressed. Leah