How to Help a Family Even if They Don’t Ask For Help

By: Leah Talley (Wesolowski)

I’m still of the opinion that many parents alienate their children from their ex-spouses at first by accident. I still believe a person never stops loving another person simply because they broke up. Deep down it is pain that drives them to hurt and denigrate their former love. Pain that turns into anger. Anger that is sometimes beyond control.

The best way to help someone you know is to gently remind them that the ex-spouse they are trash talking and making hateful comments about both in the presence of children who are 50% their ex’ DNA was also a person with whom they once deeply loved and that you don’t believe they were such bad judges of character.
Remind them that the children are absorbing their every word and if they believe they are made up of 50% shit it’s going to take a toll on their self esteem.

Concerned Citizens for Family Law Reform — World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.

Originally posted on Children’s Rights: We the people of the Great State of Florida do hereby request that our current #GovernorScott issue the following executive orders. It is within his power to do so. 1. An immediate executive order inacting the alimony language as part of the now VETOED #SB668 since #GovernorScott has expressed…

via Concerned Citizens for Family Law Reform — World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum.

My Nightmare… April 16, 2016

Dear God 1


April 16, 2016

Believing it to be the day of catastrophe in America a Mother, estranged from her 4 beloved children sent a group text to all four. “My wonderful children” she wrote. “I want you to know that I love you all no matter what, and I always will, no matter what. With deep love, Mommy”.
Within a minute 2 of her children replied expressing their love and forgiveness of past events, while the other two remained silent after reading her declaration of love for them, their hearts so filled with anger and their minds so filled with hate as a direct result of parental alienation caused in part by their father, grandmother and other family members, that they knew their silence would wound their estranged mother again. And so, willfully, and stubbornly they remained silent not telling their mother that they had any feelings for her at all. Their last thoughts were of anger toward her as the explosion rocked North America Killing most of it’s inhabitants almost instantly.
Time doesn’t exist in Heaven or Hell. The time it took to sort out the casualties of this terrible mass death may have been a blink of an eye or taken years, who knows.
As it turned out the forgiveness given to their mother by the first two children meant they would spend eternity in heaven. The hate of silence the other two showed their mother left them in hell.

I guess that left the mother …


I’m divorced since 10/2002. I was with my former for 16 years. In 2 years my time with him will be as long as my absence from him; by now I think that I should be able to function somewhat normally on a day to day basis, but that simply isn’t the case. .

People say, Give them time, they will figure it out, they will come around… that has not been MY EXPERIENCE.

How much longer will I feel this pain? My mother says that I need to move on, for my future and sanity; logically this is correct but I have told you all I can no more forget any of my children than I could cut off my own arm.

I know the guy in the movie ‘128 Hours’ did cut off his own upper arm in order to survive but the rocks he was stuck amongst didn’t call him from time to time, or talk trash about him to people who then repeated the terrible things, still being said about you 14 years later, to you because they felt ‘YOU SHOULD KNOW’…   Most recently I was told my ex told my grandaughter’s daddy that my current husband and I were having an affair when I was married to my ex… Lies, I never met my current hubby till 2/17/08. How do you fight lies like this?

I’m dying a little every day. I need help and I don’t know where to turn. I am so worried about all of my Children’s life as adults. I’m so depressed. Leah

Finally A Chance To Be Heard

MainStreamMedia Wants to Hear about Your Case!

CALLING All Women Whose Kids Were Taken Away & Given to Fathers: MainStreamMedia (MSM) Is Listening!

Many National Mainstream Media Investigative Journalists, both TV and print, have recently contacted Cindy Dumas, Director of The Women’s Coalition, about the epidemic of children taken from women and given to fathers, many of whom are physically or sexually abusive.

MSM wants to know the extent of the crisis so this social media event has been set up for all women to get their voices heard. Editors, reporters and producers will be reading the posts and comments so please let them know how this has negatively impacted your life!

There are three ways you can participate:
1. Join the event and post about your case.
2. Comment, Like and SHARE posts
3. Send an email to

email: TheWomensCoalitionPAC@gmail.com

 with a one page or less summary of your case. Put MSM in the subject line. [TWC will keep name confidential if it is requested.]

NOTE: It can be very brief if you’re short on time, something like:
“I am my children’s primary bond, but they were taken away from me when they were 8 and 10 and sole custody was given to the father who was abusive to them. I have been restricted to supervised visits and have been bankrupted fighting for them. We have been destroyed by the system.”
If you sent one for the UN Complaint, you can use that summary.
If you want anonymity TWC will post it for you.
Use a photo for more impact.

WHO should participate: Any woman who was the primary nurturer of her child(ren) and lost primary custody to a father (whether he was abusive or not)–even if joint custody was awarded–without a fair hearing.

NOTE: One journalist is especially interested in Massachusetts cases and two are especially interested in cases where the mothers went into hiding.

ONE PAGE SUMMARY (optional):
• You were/are the primary nurturing parent
• How many children were taken
• What false accusations were used
• What kind of visitation you got, if any
• How long you went without seeing your kids
• What kind of abuse was involved, if any
• Whether your evidence was covered up or disregarded
• Whether you were coerced into silence; by whom
• Which officials involved: DA’s, law enforcement, social services, family court officials, psychologists, therapists, etc. (names optional);
• Whether you/your kids suffered trauma symptoms
• Whether you were financially devastated
• Whether your career was damaged or destroyed
• How you feel about what was done to you and your children

Please SHARE this event so MSM is deluged with cases!!

(bloggers opinion, this should be an issue of injustice regardless of sex)

An Open Letter to My Children’s Stepmother

  • * * * UPDATE to My Readers * * *
  • I recently wrote a private letter to the Stepmother asking her if we could bury the hatchet now that I am frequently invited to Al. to see my granddaughter. I have had no reply, I assume that means no.
  • I posted a link in the step-parents area at reddit/divorce and I was shocked to have such negative feedback.  People telling me to remain out of my newly reunited, adult children’s lives and to leave SM alone.  I just DON’T understand WHY people can’t get along?  Why does it have to be ONLY her, and how could she really hate a person she has never taken 10 minutes to know?
  • I really am struggling with these questions because I want to be able to attend future events, weddings, christenings, Holy Communion, all of it. I do not want my kids to have to pick one of us, we are adults and I feel we should be able to be in the same room civilly, for the KIDS!  Please post new thoughts below…
  • Here is the Reddit link:
  • https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/3joe7y/letter_to_stepmom_falls_on_deaf_ears_i_want_to/

 

Dear Jill,
Although we have never spent any time together I believe that you and I COULD become friendly, if not friends.

First off; let me again express my gratitude to you for guiding my children into adulthood. I honestly believe that without your influence they would not have achieved so much. I can’t thank you enough for loving them. Sincere, heartfelt THANKS!

Now I need to address some issues that I feel we, yes, you and I TOGETHER, need to come to terms with.

The number one thing that Wanda told me you said about me that really hurt my feelings was, “anybody can spit out four kids”. I have serious issues with that statement because it is a falsehood number one; because the children are mine, they are NOT your flesh and blood. Yes, you were there for them the past 7 years or so, but that doesn’t make them your children. It makes the children your family, people you love and people you are partially responsible for, still they will always be 50% of my genetic code and no matter how much you love them you can’t replace me. You can’t change their genetic make-up and as much as I believe you wish you could erase all traces of me from them, you can’t. I suggest that you come to terms with this and try to comprehend the special bond of mother and child which I have observed to remain intact even when a child is separated from their biological mother from birth.
Allow me to give you an example from my own life. You may not know this about me but I was adopted. I had a burning desire to find my biological family, my roots, at a very young age. To that end I began adoption research at the age of 15. I spent countless hours scouring records of “Chattle” (yes, sickening that Arizona used a livestock sales column to post adoption announcements) helping so many other people in the Az Search Triad, but never successfully locating my own announcement.
After Charlene was born I became obsessed really with locating my birth mother, and after much research I finally found her.
What she experienced the day I called her for the first time clearly demonstrates the connection between mother and child that remans unbroken through time.

My birth mother, June, (Wanda June is named after both Chuck’s mother and my birth mother) is the type of woman who’s only idle time is when she is asleep. She never really stops doing. The day I first called her was one of the rare moments in her life where she simply paused, by the telephone no less, in certain anticipation of a call from a daughter she had never met. Call it a psychic connection, a twinned cell, or, as I believe, a blood bond, she knew the baby she placed for adoption was going to call her that day and she was ready.

Jill I am not telling you this to make a comparison between the love our children have for mother or step mother. I trying desperately to explain that EVERYONE in this family will be far better off with more love rather than more pain. I would never force my children to choose between you and I, not for fear of the outcome, but because it is simply UNNECESSARY for them to make any such choice.

Now Jill, my children are almost all adults and I realize that they can decide never to speak to me again. How do you think they will feel when they have their own children and become aware of the deception and mean-spirited tactics that have pushed me away since the moment you became an important part of their lives? Do you believe that they will overlook the awful things you and Robin have said about me over the years?

I am betting adulthood will open their eyes to just how mean you have been to me. I HONESTLY Hope they don’t become so angry with you for the accusations, the not telling them I called, wrote, or flew 1200 miles to see them only to be threatened by you with trespass charges if I didn’t leave. Jill, as deeply as you have hurt me, I don’t wish this pain upon you.

I think of ALL of you everyday and while sometimes I am filled with pain, which ultimately leads to anger, for the most part I think of you fondly. I imagine you teaching Wanda to read music, encouraging Daniel to pursue drama, and holding the grandchildren I will never hold, with the love and adoration they clearly deserve. I imagine the pain you feel, as I once felt, being ignored intimately by a man who was sadly taught that sexual intercourse was something women despised, and that showing affection or being publicly affectionate was inappropriate even for man and wife. I imagine you crying alone realizing they will soon be gone and that even though you are married to a great guy, you will soon be very lonely.

Jill, I will always welcome any positive relationship with you. I would be able to overcome the painful past if you would simply reach out in sincere friendship to me. We have much in common, my kids have told me this time and again. I was told by Daniel that I left hurtful messages on your answering machine for you. I honestly do not recall trying to be hurtful towards you; yet I know that when I am in pain I can be very mean. I know this sounds like I am making excuses, I am not. There is no excuse if I hurt you; and if I did I am truly sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.

Jill, please, I am begging you to start to TRY to add me to your life.

Whatever your choice, I wish you well.

Sincerely,
Leah

Begin Chinese

我的孩子的继母的公开信

指控应对离婚戏剧字母父母的疏远步父母公婆的作用兄弟姐妹的作用车削家长反对孩子

亲爱的建筑业,
虽然我们永远不会花任何时间在一起,我相信你和我能变得友好,如果不是朋友。

第一关 ;让我再次表示,我感谢你为指导我的孩子们进入成年期。老实说,我相信不受你影响他们将不会取得这么多。谢谢你足够爱他们不行,诚意,表示衷心的感谢 !

现在我需要的解决一些问题我觉得我们,是的你和我在一起,需要妥协的。

头号万达告诉我你说我真的伤害了我的感情是,”任何人都可以吐出四个孩子”。我有这种说法严重的问题,因为它是一个谎言数目 ;因为孩子们是我的他们不是你的血肉。是的你在那里为他们过去的 7 年左右的时间,但不会是你的孩子。它使孩子们,你的家人、 你爱的人和你部分负责的人,他们仍然总有 50%的基因代码、 无论你是多么的爱他们,你不能代替我。你不能改变他们的基因组成,就像我相信你想你可以抹去所有的痕迹,我从他们那里,你不能。我建议你来到这个术语,并试图理解的母亲和我观察将保持不变甚至当一个孩子分开他们亲生母亲从出生的孩子特别的羁绊。
请允许我给你举个例子从我自己的生活。你可能不知道这对我,但我没有采纳。燃烧的欲望,要找到我生物的家,我的根在很年轻的时候了为此目的,我 15 岁开始通过研究。我花了无数时间冲刷的”动产”(是的令人作呕的亚利桑那州用牲畜销售额列来发布通过公告的) 记录帮助很多其他人在亚利桑那州搜索黑社会,但永远不会成功地定位自己的公告。
夏琳出生后我成了真的痴迷于寻找我的亲生母亲,和很多的研究后我终于找到了她。
她所经历的这一天我打电话给她的第一次清楚地表明了母亲和儿童只有之间的连接通过时间不间断。

我的亲生母亲,6 月,(万达 6 月命名查克的母亲和我的亲生母亲) 是新型的女人只是空闲时间是当她是睡着了。她从来没有真正停止做。我第一次打电话给她的一天是她的生命中弥足珍贵的时刻之一在哪里她简单地停顿了一下,在电话上不少,在某些期待接到一个女儿她素未谋面。称之为一个通灵的连接,孪晶结构的单元格,或相信,血缘,她知道她安排收养婴儿正要打电话给她一天,她已经做好准备。

吉尔我不告诉你这些是为了让我们的孩子的母亲或继母的爱的比较。然而,至今拼命想解释说,在这个家庭里的每个人都将会更好更多的爱,而不是更多的痛苦。我从不会强迫我的孩子们做出抉择,你和我,我不是害怕结果,而是因为它是根本不必要为他们做出这样的选择。

现在是吉尔,我的孩子们几乎都是成年人,我意识到他们可以决定永远不会再跟我说话。你觉得他们会觉得当他们有他们自己的孩子和意识到的欺骗和卑鄙的战术,把我拒之门外自从你成为他们生活的重要组成部分?你相信他们会忽视你和罗宾曾对我多年来的糟糕的事情吗?

我打赌,成年后将会打开他们的眼睛,多么的意思是你一直在我身边。我老实说希望他们不会成为这么生气的指责,没有告诉他们我叫、 写道,或飞行 1200 英里,看到他们只来威胁你非法侵入罪名如果我不曾离开。吉尔,像你一样深深地伤害了我,我不希望这种痛苦在你身上。

我认为所有的你每天,虽然有时我充满了痛苦,最终导致愤怒,大部分为想你的深情。我想象你教学万达读音乐,鼓励 Daniel 追求戏剧,并抱着孙子我将永远不会举行,爱与崇拜他们显然值得。我想象你的痛苦,因为我一旦毡,紧密地忽略了可悲的是一个人教那性交是一些妇女鄙视,和那显示的感情或被公开深情是不恰当的即使对于男人和妻子。我想象你哭独自实现他们很快就会离开,即使你嫁给一个伟大的人,你很快就会很寂寞。

吉儿,我会永远和你一起欢迎任何积极的关系。将能够克服痛苦的过去,如果你将简单地伸出真诚的友谊对我。我们有很多共同点,我的孩子们告诉我这一次又一次。Daniel 告诉我说我把伤人的消息在你的答录机上留给你。老实说不记得想要伤害你 ;然而我知道在痛苦中的时候,我可以很小气。我知道这听起来像我在找借口,我不是。那里是没有任何借口,如果伤害了你 ;并且如果我做了我真的很抱歉。请发现它在你的心,能原谅我。

吉尔,拜托,我求你开始试着将我添加到您的生活。

无论你的选择,我祝你顺利。

此致敬礼
利亚

A response X’s 2

I believe I told you, dear reader, that I had told my Daughter Libby about this blog, and that she really didn’t approve stating it is “Private”, and therefore inappropriate for me to publish things here…

I told her it was time for me to tell my side of the story and that it was healing, and quite the relief to finally have the courage to tell others about this part of my life in the hope I can save a marriage; prevent acrimony in divorce; or prevent Parental Alienation.

Then I asked her why is she angry at me for posting the court docs, the IRS Lien, when it was the settlement her dad asked for; and it was he who refused to complete that settlement.  I never wanted this, she knows that is true.

She replied, (sighing) “yeah, I guess you’re right Ma, but I hate it.”

*******************************

Then I was messing around with my iPad the other day and hit an e-mail address belonging to one of my kids and typed “Hi” not expecting that email to be any good. A few seconds later “Bling” there was a message, the first contact in several years, it stated (Paraphrasing) “Stop contacting me. Stop lying on your horrible blog about my family, and take down your review of “Momma” because it is negative and you missed the point of your child’s words when she wrote it.”

I thought about it a few and then I wrote, “I’ll make you a deal, I will remove anything from my blog that you can prove is a lie. I will try to remove my review of the Song “Momma” and I won’t contact you at all if I can get one text a week saying you are alive and well and healthy.”

I changed my review of the song “Momma” I tried to delete it, but there was no option.

I have not been notified of any “Lies” that need to be addressed here, so it remains.

I haven’t been given a text back, but I am going to wait the full week before I cry about that.

Thanks for reading.
Responses are welcome.

Goodbye, I love you. How can this change? {replies requested}

I Don’t Want To Leave Without Saying “Good Bye, I Love You”

  The way my ADULT children feel about me and their lack of contact with me, I can’t do a DAMN thing about.  I am trying with much difficulty to accept the things I cannot change (as the 12 steppers pray)…   Not having them in my life really hurts, but then, as we have discussed in my previous posts, that pain has a way of morphing into anger.  I find my thoughts golden and glowing brightly with love for all of my children, and then I get this urge to contact them… that urge to know them, talk to them, contact them, reminds me they will not answer, or worse, hang up and if I make that phone call I might as well go walking into a wall because I will end up hurt, (sigh) again. The thought of their rejection brings on my anger. As I start to get angry, I relive the things that I have done, and that have been done to me, and then that anger grows…  I hate the anger that exists in my psyche now.  I have never been an angry person.  I have been told by people that the one thing they recall about me growing up, was a constant smile.  That smile which is now so rare.

   Today, I was thinking about my recent bout with cancer, (this is my third bout and victory over cancer), and I thought “WHAT IF I DIE WITHOUT SEEING THEM AGAIN?”  I can’t bear this thought.  My death, could be long and arduous, or it could be a short and swift.  I don’t know how or when I will die, but I know FOR SURE that I don’t want to leave this world with my children full of animosity toward me.  I don’t want to go without them knowing I love them and never meant for this to happen to our family.  I don’t want to die without apologizing for any and all ways that I have wronged or hurt them.  I want them to know that I LOVE, Love, LOVE them so much!

   The opposing thought then invaded my busy, self defeating, thought racing, bi-polar brain.  What if one or more, of my children were to die today!?!  I would not have been allowed to say “Good bye, I love you”  they would think the horrible things they have been brainwashed to believe about me for eternity… This thought hurt me more than words can sufficiently express.

   My mind screeched, “THIS IS SO UNFAIR!”  Yes, as adults, they have free will.  They can’t be forced into any type of therapy, they can’t be made to listen to my side, or to understand a painful divorce and things that went very wrong in our marriage NEVER meant that I didn’t love them.  I have no ability to get through to them, to apologize for leaving, to show them my love.  I have lost them and with them I have lost a piece of my soul so large that I barely breathe anymore.

  I take responsibility for leaving, I do!  I still believe leaving was the only way I knew how to survive, how to deal with his post divorce treatment of me.

   My Doctor thinks an anti-depressant will help me.  I disagree. She says that people should “get up and LIVE their lives“, and I agree with her on that point.  Except when I get out there, in every crowd, every visage, every moment, I see something that makes me think of my kids and that painful anger sears my soul a little more once again.  Also, on those rare occaisions when I do “get out there“, if I find that bright childhood smile on my face I actually feel guilty.  Ridiculous I know, but it is true, I feel guilt because there are actually moments I am not thinking of them.  HOW DARE ME!

    I once told a therapist that “When shitty things happen to a person it is completely normal for that person to feel shitty.”  Well I feel beyond shitty much of the time, I feel helpless and emotionally eviscerated, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it;  OR IS THERE?

   I am open to suggestions if you, my dear readers, have any.

Would you like to know one of the things I have considered?  Well I’ll tell you.  I have considered having ECT (electro convulsive therapy) in order to obliterate these painful memories.  Erase the memory of my children from my brain, like Carey’s character in “The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind”.  It didn’t work for him though, and I don’t really believe it would work for me.  Yet I have considered it many times.

   So what other things?  Pour myself into a project. That’s funny, I try that too, I say try because I am continuously trying to find something, anything, to keep my mind off this horrible pain.  My house is filled with project after project, some partially started, some not even out of the bag, none of them complete, because it simply did not work.

   So what else? My life has always revolved around music… that really is the one thing that even the painful intrusive thoughts can’t excise from my short repertoire of enjoyment.  Alas, I fear that the enjoyment of music might be in peril of being lost at this point in my life.  Deafness is encroaching upon my ability to understand lyrics, and I also feel it is effecting the way I sound both when I talk and sing.  Boy, do I sing. “Loud and Proud” my voice coach used to say… now I am told too frequently I am talking too loud.  I can’t imagine what people must think of my singing.

  So again, I ask, how can I move past the pain? I have been divorced for 12 years, but my youngest son only rejected me this past year. He is 17, and the loss his love, of our talks, and texts may have been just enough to really damage me.  FUBAR!

  Can I reach out to them somehow, show them that what they have been lead to believe is false?  HOW?

   “Back off” my friends say, “they will eventually come around“.

 What if they miraculously do come around and I am already dead?

Leah